Hello! I’m Curtis. You probably know that already. Here are some things you need to know if you are at all interested in dating me:
No means no, period. If I ask you if you want the last piece of cheesecake and you say no, I’m eating it. If you are secretly harboring feelings for that piece of cheesecake, I don’t read between the lines. No ends all discussion with me. I don’t get my feelings hurt if you say no to anything, be it a movie or sex, or even cheesecake. I’ll happily watch a movie alone, masturbate or eat the cheesecake. Hell, I can do all three at once.
Most songs I wrote aren’t about you. I promise, I probably didn’t even know you when I wrote Bitch!
My job is pretty messed up. I need to talk about some of the things I see and hear. If you don’t want to hear about cases, see the thing about no from above.