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Author Archives: Doobjank
Graduation
It’s no secret I should have graduated last year. I had plenty of excuses for why I didn’t, but in the end it comes down to me. No excuses this time. I’m taking classes I’m comfortable with, nothing outside of … Continue reading
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New Year
I always give myself a few extra days into the new year to decide what I’m going to give up. I like to consider my birthday to be beginning of the year for me since obviously it was the first … Continue reading
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First date etiquette for guys and gals
1. Men, be between 15-30 minutes early. Women, you can show up an hour late and then an additional 30 minutes for every cup size your bra goes up to, no more than four hours late, and fakies don’t count! … Continue reading
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More politicking!
Okay, so the government shut down. I’m not going to lie and say I know what it’s all about because I know shit about politics. I do know that if I didn’t do my job, I’d be fired and they’d … Continue reading
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What you need to know to date me
Hello! I’m Curtis. You probably know that already. Here are some things you need to know if you are at all interested in dating me: No means no, period. If I ask you if you want the last piece of … Continue reading
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Why Prank Calling A Crisis Hotline Probably Isn’t the Best Use of Your Time.
Okay, I highly doubt anyone who prank calls crisis phone lines know how to read, so if you can share this with them I’m sure I speak for a lot of people that we would really appreciate it. Look, I … Continue reading
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Governor of Texas 2014: Me!
I’m officially announcing my candidacy for Texas State Governor now that Rick Perry isn’t seeking re-election. My platform is simple: legalize marijuana for medicinal purposes, tax it like cigarettes and treat it like alcohol when driving. While no one wants … Continue reading
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Vagina
Parents young and old: I grew up an American. I remember being ashamed of the idea of masturbation until I was married and discovered that some times you have to rub one out or you’re in for a bad night. … Continue reading
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